why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
