You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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