I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
