Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
