You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
