i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
