New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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