I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
