I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
