I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
