Porn is love you can see.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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