My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
