Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
