...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
