I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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