Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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