he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize