he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
