So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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