so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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