So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im drinking this country out of the recession.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
