I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
