Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
