God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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