There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize