I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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