I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
