I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
