he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
