I will die if light touches me.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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