I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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