I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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