I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
