I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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