nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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