so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
