dude i'm inner monologue high
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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