...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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