There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
