honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
