i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we're so committed to being not committed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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