New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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