been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
