I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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