What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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