i don't like sucking hair
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
