i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
