She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
