ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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