i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
