I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
