no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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