I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize