So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
