Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
