Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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