guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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