Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
