I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
