Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
