We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
