she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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