Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
