Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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