Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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