I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
