so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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