i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
