I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
